Age: None of your business, but let's just say I've been around

Home: The wretched little town of Harmony

Education: University of Witchcraft, graduated with honors

Income: Depends on how much I can snatch from the Salvation Army each week

Religion: Ha! Now that's a joke unless you count the "religion" of the Dark Forces!

Single female searching for worthy man who's not afraid of a powerful, strong-minded woman. I'm known for speaking my mind-in fact, I've been called a witch once or twice in my life! I am also a woman of action, who will not let anything, actually make that anyone, get in my way. (References are available upon request to prove that point). I have many talents, not the least of which are cutting up the dance floor, eavesdropping, casting spells, sewing, and running from axe-wielding psychopaths. I am fabulously fit for my many, many years and have a keen sense of fashion. (Accessorizing is my speciality). I am seeking an adventurous man who enjoys playing dress up in unique costumes, wreaking havoc, insulting the locals, and traveling to exotic places such as my basement. Please take heed: if you are looking for a kind, sweet, church-going, tomato-soup-cake baking Holly Homemaker, I am not your gal. Those who are feint of heart or enjoy whispering sweet-nothings need not apply. Must like cats.

Name: Julian Crane

Age: Age is only a state of mind as long as all of one's body parts are functioning

Home: Harmony. But make no mistake; I live on a hill high above the town's riff-raff and peasants

Education: Harvard, of course. Is there anywhere else?

Income: I refuse to give out this information, for fear of gold-diggers and the like.

Religion: My religion can be found at the bottom of a glass of scotch.

Suave, debonair, and handsome male seeking a hot-blooded woman who can keep up with him in the bedroom and the boardroom. I am a powerful man who is the master of my own kingdom. I will not be controlled by anyone-not by my father and especially not by any of my three wives. In fact, if you are a wheelchair-bound wench, a haughty hussy, or a tempting tamale, please do not reply! Likes: Luxurious soaks in the tub, imported cigars, jazz music, and women half my age. Dislikes: piñatas, wrestling, coffins in my living room, and Neanderthals with the letters L-F in their last names. I am seeking a bodacious, brazen broad who will indulge my every wish and whim, as well as keep secret my sometimes shady dealings (such as offing one's own sister, hypothetically speaking of course). Must be willing to experiment in unique role-playing games-favorites include headmaster and naughty student, as well as Baby New Year and Father Time. Those who are not fond of dysfunctional families need not apply.